Think Tranquility

how to have a relationship you want

It's Easy When You Don't Care

How to have a relationship you want can sometimes seem like a million miles away. Ever felt like saying 'to hell with that person - I just give up!!!'? It is one of the worse feelings in the world, (not to mention frustrating), when trying to reason with someone and not being able to get through to them. How can we possibly have anything remotely meaningful - let alone an actual relationship with that individual?

We are surrounded by these types every day; people who annoy us with their irritating behaviour, they won't listen to what you say, they think they know everything and are completely arrogant. We want to be as far away from them as possible, however we have no choice but to tolerate them. Unfortunately, these types of feelings are not limited to just our work colleagues or those who we generally rub shoulders with whilst out and about. They can occasionally include our loved ones who we are the most closest to and who we should have the most meaningful relationships of all with.

In fact, relationships with people we actually love are the hardest of them all. Why? Because we care obviously. It is easy to turn your back on someone being rude to you in the street or at work. Yes, you may be angry or upset but it doesn't have any real lasting impact on you. Our friends and family and our lovers, on the other hand have the ability to stir up emotions in us like no one else. They can make us ecstatically happy as well as desperately miserable.  Can't live with them. Can't live without them. So how can we switch these negative dilemmas and turn them into meaningful, enriching relationships? So... how to have a relationship you want? Let's start with you shall we?

how to have a relationship you wantThe Most Important Relationship Of All

Although it may sound incredibly selfish, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. No matter what anyone tells you - you are irreplaceable and unique. There never has and never will be anyone else like you on this earth ever again.

We have various relationships with all sorts of people including both healthy and unhealthy, positive and negative. Putting emotions aside for one minute, all of these external relationships can be discarded if needs be (and yes that includes loved ones). The internal relationship and communication with yourself however, is a facet that can never be dismissed or ignored. You cannot run away from yourself - which is good because you are a great person!  None of us are perfect and there will always be room for improvement, but essentially you are a good person. If you weren't you wouldn't be on this site or more specifically this page now would you? 😉

I raise this point about having a positive relationship with yourself because (although it may sound clichéd) you can only achieve meaningful relations with others if you do so with yourself. Set an example to others by appreciating yourself, respecting yourself and loving yourself. Of course I don't want you to turn into a monstrous prima donna but be nicer to yourself. For example, when you look in the mirror do you automatically find something to criticise or do you acknowledge how nice you look? Turn off that critical inner voice and cut yourself some slack! Try to see yourself in a more positive light and I guarantee two things will happen; firstly you will be able to pinpoint the individuals who bring you down and have a negative influence over you, and secondly your expectations of how you want to be treated will heighten.


how to have a relationship you want

How To Have A Relationship You Want

Regardless of who it is I can promise that if you start appreciating yourself more and behaving more positively, most individuals around you will begin to follow suit and mirror this approach towards you. Those that don't I recommend you distance yourself from. As mentioned above the desire to do this will come naturally once you start treating yourself better.

Always remember that communication is key and by expressing what your expectations and boundaries are in a relationship, this will assist in letting the other person know what you will and will not tolerate. Action must follow words thought to reinstate this message.  

Ultimately you are the most important and need to love yourself first and foremost, in order to give love out and receive it from others. No relationship is worth it if you continue trying to make it better and gain nothing but hurt and upset. Always respect your own needs first and foremost - stop putting yourself at the bottom of your own priority list. After all, we only get in life what we are willing to accept. Never allow anyone to love you any less than you love yourself.

**I could talk about this subject all day so if you would like to know more tips on how to have a relationship you want and truly desire please subscribe to my mailing list**  




Leave a Reply

63 Comments on "How to Have A Relationship You Want"

newest oldest most voted
Notify of
I know what you mean about the people we love being able to cause us the most pain. As you say, it is because we care. We care about what they think of us, how they feel, etc. Love and hate are flip sides of the same coin. A loving relationship can easily flip over into a bitter fight. I also like what you said about the most important relationship being with ourselves. That is so true. In fact, if a person is not happy with themselves, how can they be happy with someone else? I once knew someone who… Read more »
Maria Martinez

Hello, I loved this article for the fact that described actual issues on the attitude of people we deal with every day. i will certainly send the link of this article to people i care about so they can reflect on the mirror and hopefully try to change their behavior!!


Hi Angel,
I am a sucker for self improvement, both physically and mentally..
The transition from having zero self confidence to an extremely confident person is amazing! I have gone through this myself, a lot of which was relationship driven, and came out in the end feeling like a new person with something to prove to the world. I found a lot of rebuilding came from Meditative sound tracks that I would listen to at night, people don’t realize the benefits that these have on a person. Truly incredible.
I like your information, I will be back to check out more.


Nice post, you have a lot of good advice here.

I think if we don’t love ourselves then how can we claim to love anyone? That “love” is just an unhealthy attachment out of fear.

But if we do love ourselves, then we are at peace with ourselves (well usually) and can truly love. Love to me is putting the needs of the other above your own needs. So more giving and less clinging.

Tyler Redlev

These kind of people are very common around me. Usually i’m so annoyed sometimes that i just start not to give a damn. But we can’t run forever. I have been a positive person to almost everyone around me for a while. You really can feel the change. It just could be better if others could understand you.


I, like many other people I’m sure, am having a particularly hard time right now with relationships – specifically FAMILY relationships during the holiday season. I find my in-laws impossible and it’s a huge hardship on my husband and my relationship. I’m looking forward to re-reading this article and using the techniques you teach here. Thanks so much for the much needed help!

Riaz Shah
Hey Holly, Wow I admire and respect you, you’re very patient, kind hearted and understanding. I on the other hand get extremely irritated when it comes to dealing with ignorant people who doesn’t appreciate that you do. Sometimes I get too stressed up about someone that I don’t feel like meeting people at all so I lock myself in the room and try to have an alone time – Play my guitar, play games etc. But sometimes I think too much about a person that I can’t really focus much on things which really bothers me. Is there something the… Read more »
Very interesting content! I have had an encounter with two kinds of people, one who tries to make me feel bad about myself, and one who tried to lower my self esteem. One was a family member, and the other was a lover. But the lover is so history now. But the family member I keep at a distance because no matter how good she see me doing, she always try to dig up something in the past to let me know just how bad I had it. How do I tell her that the past is the past, let… Read more »

It is a very interesting post, it makes me think and think all over again. The idea of being in a good relationship with yourself, appreciate what you are, know that you are unique and you can’t just ignore what you are, find the positive things about yourself and try to emphasize them.
The post has a wonderful tips and directions to deal with unpleasant situations.
I really enjoy reading the post, good work, I hope you the best


Hi Holly

I have been through this situation a couple of times. I have a lot of respect for people that are around me and I always treat them how I want to be treated, but sometimes you will get people that have zero respect for you.

They are so ego driven and all they care about is themselves. I try to avoid these people as far as possible as they just make me want to throw up. Great article btw 🙂

Overall, I think you’ve provided some great advice to people that genuinely want meaningful relationships. As we’ve all grown up, it is apparent that the majority of us were not taught what it means to be happy with yourself or have self-confidence, let alone how to achieve these things. Many of us carry around dissatisfaction with ourselves, some having carried this load for a few months, others for many years. To be candid, I used to feel much better about myself, but it has gotten more difficult over time, thus this is now one of the main struggles I’m currently… Read more »

i love your writing. 🙂
we often describe the best relation is towards other people, yet we forget, the relationship with our self.
love our self before we learn to love others.

I personally feel that one of the best things you can have is a positive mindset. I believe that what you put out in the universe is what you get back, so if you think positive most of the time that is what you will receive in your life. And i agree that does start with yourself. You must love yourself. When you do this and have a positive mindset you will attract positive people in your life. Now obviously family members will be family members so you may have to limit the time you spend with them because negative… Read more »
Derek Marshall

Love this!

100% true and real. We are simply mirrors, how we feel about ourselves reflects back to us in other people., some astounding quotes I can take from this post!

Defo hit a home run with me on this one! Information contained, deserves to be nailed in at No 1 in google!


I am a very positive person and I was friends with a selfish person who just used me for whatever they wanted. I was there when they needed help but when I needed help they suddenly had other things to do. I had to end up breaking ties with them for my own sanity.

On anther note, I always say that sometimes the most intelligent conversation you can have is with yourself.


From my perspective, when one is tuned into ones own thinking and comfortable in one’s skin, then relationships with others improve. Above all, this gives one an ability to be present to others and really listen before speaking. When a person really listens to others, then they can really communicate – using words if needed.

Renee Townsend
Great article on positive thinking in relationship to oneself. Recently I went to an Eric Mina (hypnotist) event. One of the things he said was you hypnotize yourself. He talked about that moment between wake and sleep when you go to bed. He said that’s the best time to plant thoughts in your mind. If you plant a good thought, your night will be filled with those thoughts. Though I keep forgetting to plant my thought, I know what he says is true. Why? Because if I’m thinking about a particular issue when I go to bed, my night is… Read more »
So many useful tips, there are some i already practice daily and some new ones that will surely help me improve even more. What i found the hardest to follow is to stay away from negative people. Sometimes you’ve got no choice ,be at work or at home. I try to keep myself busy or distracted to deal with them the least possible. You’ve made a great guide , a positive life begins the moment you change your mindset into positive thinking and appreciate yourself as well. I was once blind to this and didn’t belive it could work until… Read more »
For me, the best way to deal with my internal self is to just be aware and hear what my inner voice is saying and staying objective and not taking things personally if my inner voice is saying something negative. That doesn’t mean I try to block out negative voices, but I just let it talk and acknowledge it and move on. If you are having a bad relationship with yourself, it’s more like you are fighting your inner voice or letting the inner voice take over you. But if you just let the inner voice talk and let it… Read more »
Prince Smith
Hello, Holly, First, I want to congratulate you on realizing that your life was going on the wrong Path. At 27 years of age, you’ve accomplished a lot of things that will lead to you having a better future. Getting a Bachelor’s Degree at 21 was a great achievement. I agree that we all should take some time to relax from day today’s stresses. Life is too short as it is! Relaxation and Exercise instructions were important things for us to know. Holly, your site is full of a lot of helpful information. I could not cover everything today. I… Read more »
Holly, I again had the pleasure of coming across an article you had up for review. Again I have come across so impressed by what you wrote, this time having to do with meaningful relationships from those close to you. What you said in the beginning of the article is so true. You come across some rude person out in the public who really ticks you off. All you have to do is turn away from the individual, (sometimes telling him/her off if the offense is truly outlandish) and with that you’re done with him/her probably forever. The same cannot… Read more »
Johnathon Peoples

I really enjoyed this site! It is true the most meaningful relationship you should have is with yourself.. That’s how you better yourself and succeed in whatever you do in life. In marketing you must have confidence at whatever you do because that’s when people will believe in you. Great job in making me more motivated thank you!


Hi there! Very interesting article, I loved it. It is true that if you don’t have a good relationship with your own self, it is difficult to make good relationships with others. Whatever you feel about yourself can be reflected at others causing positive or negative reactions, depending on the feelings you have and how deep they are.

Mr Pianoforte

I really like the advice you’ve given on this article. I think we get so caught up on trying to impress others we forget about taking care of ourselves most of the time. I like your advice on how the most important relationship we can have is with ourselves. It really it home haha 🙂 Thanks for the article and keep up the good work 🙂 I’ll keep an eye out for most posts!

Hi Holly, I just celebrated the big 40 birthday and it’s been a turning point in my relationship with me! You are so right about how important it is to be loving and positive to ourselves. We are stuck with us! I particularly find this principle most helpful when it comes to weight loss and exercise. Eating right and exercising is ultimately a very loving thing to do for the body. But, if I hate my body, it feels like punishment. Its hard to find the motivation to fix anything when it comes from a place of hate, or jealousy,… Read more »

What a fantastic post – after a huge mistake I made a few year ago, it’s taken me quite some time to get back to the loving, happy and connected person I was before. I’ve also only recently realised just how much I allowed old relationships affect my perception of the people around me now. Releasing the past is one of the biggest lessons in gaining more meaningful, current, relationships! 🙂 Thank you for sharing this post and reminding me of this! 🙂

Hi there Angel, I work 6 days a week so it’s quite easy to forget who you really are after a while. Sometimes, even friends stop calling you on the phone. But I am trying to pull myself together here. Like today – my off day from work – I spent about 4 hours in a nice cafe, treating myself a cup of hot chocolate and later on, a nice carrot juice while working on my website. Being surrounded by strangers on a sunny bright day isn’t such a bad idea. Better than being coup up in the room all… Read more »
You give great advice in this article. Focusing on the positive will certainly lead to feeling better. When we start to pay attention to our thoughts it can be alarming that we actually do have negative thoughts. Usually all these thoughts- positive and negative- happen without us noticing. But when we start paying attention we can change them. And when we pay attention to our thoughts that we have towards ourselves, we will also start paying more attention to the thoughts we have towards others. Like you said, it is important to try to keep all these thoughts positive, no… Read more »

Your article got me thinking about people who I have counseled in the past. They were always going from relationship to relationship, looking for their piece of happiness.

I agree with you, our happiness comes from inside us. We are the ones in control of our emotions. Not being in control means giving our power away and letting it control us.

Great article.

Syed Suhail Ahmed

Thank you for this wonderful post and I loved reading it!

In the process of loving others and trying to make other people happy, we often forget to love ourselves.
Your post certainly is something every person needs to read and I like how you talk about treating ourselves in a positive light. That is unquestionably very important.

Will be back for more!



Definitely needed this today. Setting healthy boundaries has always been difficult for me, as I had learned to tolerate a lot and accept crumbs from early on in life. It’s a life-long learning process for us all, that starts with self-love and self-care. Thanks for the reminder.

Small steps that will make a difference today.... 
Think Tranquility
Receive Your Passport to Freedom eBook here