It's Easy When You Don't Care
How to have a relationship you want can sometimes seem like a million miles away. Ever felt like saying 'to hell with that person - I just give up!!!'? It is one of the worse feelings in the world, (not to mention frustrating), when trying to reason with someone and not being able to get through to them. How can we possibly have anything remotely meaningful - let alone an actual relationship with that individual?
We are surrounded by these types every day; people who annoy us with their irritating behaviour, they won't listen to what you say, they think they know everything and are completely arrogant. We want to be as far away from them as possible, however we have no choice but to tolerate them. Unfortunately, these types of feelings are not limited to just our work colleagues or those who we generally rub shoulders with whilst out and about. They can occasionally include our loved ones who we are the most closest to and who we should have the most meaningful relationships of all with.
In fact, relationships with people we actually love are the hardest of them all. Why? Because we care obviously. It is easy to turn your back on someone being rude to you in the street or at work. Yes, you may be angry or upset but it doesn't have any real lasting impact on you. Our friends and family and our lovers, on the other hand have the ability to stir up emotions in us like no one else. They can make us ecstatically happy as well as desperately miserable. Can't live with them. Can't live without them. So how can we switch these negative dilemmas and turn them into meaningful, enriching relationships? So... how to have a relationship you want? Let's start with you shall we?
The Most Important Relationship Of All
Although it may sound incredibly selfish, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. No matter what anyone tells you - you are irreplaceable and unique. There never has and never will be anyone else like you on this earth ever again.
We have various relationships with all sorts of people including both healthy and unhealthy, positive and negative. Putting emotions aside for one minute, all of these external relationships can be discarded if needs be (and yes that includes loved ones). The internal relationship and communication with yourself however, is a facet that can never be dismissed or ignored. You cannot run away from yourself - which is good because you are a great person! None of us are perfect and there will always be room for improvement, but essentially you are a good person. If you weren't you wouldn't be on this site or more specifically this page now would you? 😉
I raise this point about having a positive relationship with yourself because (although it may sound clichéd) you can only achieve meaningful relations with others if you do so with yourself. Set an example to others by appreciating yourself, respecting yourself and loving yourself. Of course I don't want you to turn into a monstrous prima donna but be nicer to yourself. For example, when you look in the mirror do you automatically find something to criticise or do you acknowledge how nice you look? Turn off that critical inner voice and cut yourself some slack! Try to see yourself in a more positive light and I guarantee two things will happen; firstly you will be able to pinpoint the individuals who bring you down and have a negative influence over you, and secondly your expectations of how you want to be treated will heighten.
How To Have A Relationship You Want
Regardless of who it is I can promise that if you start appreciating yourself more and behaving more positively, most individuals around you will begin to follow suit and mirror this approach towards you. Those that don't I recommend you distance yourself from. As mentioned above the desire to do this will come naturally once you start treating yourself better.
Always remember that communication is key and by expressing what your expectations and boundaries are in a relationship, this will assist in letting the other person know what you will and will not tolerate. Action must follow words thought to reinstate this message.
Ultimately you are the most important and need to love yourself first and foremost, in order to give love out and receive it from others. No relationship is worth it if you continue trying to make it better and gain nothing but hurt and upset. Always respect your own needs first and foremost - stop putting yourself at the bottom of your own priority list. After all, we only get in life what we are willing to accept. Never allow anyone to love you any less than you love yourself.
**I could talk about this subject all day so if you would like to know more tips on how to have a relationship you want and truly desire please subscribe to my mailing list**